Friday, April 28, 2006

Quickies from up North

Tayside Police have lost a bag containing a "controlled substance" with a street value of about £500.

It was being used to train sniffer dogs.

Not very well "controlled", was it?

A PRISON escapee has told a court he went on the run in order to cure his drug habit.

Drugs in jail are apparently "too readily available".

The judge give him an extra 40 days.

POLICE in the Highlands are hunting a serial sheep killer

More than 50 animals have been murdered on the shores of Loch Eriboll.

Sgt Hamish Grace said the animals appeared to have been slain where they lay.

He added that the Northern Constabulary were following a "positive line of inquiry".

There is no evidence of a sexual motive.

COUNCILLOR Lorna Shiels wants to clean up Edinburghs's lap-dancing scene...

"So look, it's like this: I've got nothing against sex and we all need to make a living, right? But there has to be some rules, you know, for the voters?"

"Hmm. I'm listening."

"Yeah. Good. Here's the way it is. One: no private booths; everything has to be done in the open..."

"What, everything? Are you crazy?"

"Two: CCTV cameras everywhere."

"You're serious, aren't you? You really mean it..."

"Three: the girls don't dance within one metre of the punters and you don't employ anybody under 18."

"No way, Councillor. It ain't gonna work!"

"Oh come on, it'll be voluntary, of course..."

Mr Stringfellow, 65, who owns the "famous Stringfellows" bars in London, said:

"The last thing I need is a battle with the authorities. I will be keeping a close eye on how the situation develops."

He added:

"If the establishment insists on bringing in all these changes then I won't be coming."

Neither will we, Peter.

EDINBURGH'S Saughton jail is top of the hit list for drug busts.

More illegal substance seizures take place there than in any other Scottish prison.

Toddlers have been running cannabis, heroin and cocaine into jails north of the border for years.

And last week Glasgow Lawyer Angela Baillie was jailed for two years for smuggling drugs into Barlinnie.

Scottish Nationalist MSP Alex Neil said the situation was a "matter for concern".

"The number of people peddling drugs in prison is still far too high," he said.

Oh, come on.

Surely there's enough business for us all to make a decent living?


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